It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

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The ‘I’m OK, You’re not OK’ person has been decided on within the second or third year of life. They tend to be angry, showing hostility, viewing others as incompetent and not to be trusted from a superior position, belittling them with competitiveness. Without much conscience, they view faults within situations are due to others, and not themselves. 'I’m not OK, You’re OK' Maybe I would have entered the office in an arrogant manner. Others could have perceived me as arrogant. Too right. Eric Berne initiated the principle within Transactional Analysis that we are all born ‘OK’— in other words good and worthy. Frank Ernst developed these into the OK matrix, (also known as the ‘OK Corral’ after the famous 1881 Tombstone shootout between the Earps and the Clantons). These are also known as ‘life positions’.

Exposed to all that is lost, she sings with a stray girl who is also herself, her amulet. ALEJANDRA PIZARNIK For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love. CARL SAGAN Welcome to SEASON THREE of It’s OK that You’re Not OK: the podcast (formerly known as Here After with Megan Devine).

Counterinjunctions

Join me for a thoughtful conversation with Megan Devine: best-selling author, psychotherapist, and grief advocate. With over 20 years in the field - and deep personal experience of grief - she is the go-to authority for grievers, supporters, and industry professionals. Her pioneering work provides a professional, inclusive, and realistic approach to grief, one that goes beyond pathology-based, reductive models. If you’re currently feeling the deep pain of loss or are looking for ways to support someone who is, this episode is for you. on the effort to restore what matters and, when in trouble, to make good use of our heart. Like John of the Cross, who faced the dark night of the soul, and like Jacob, who wrestled the nameless angel in the bottom of the ravine, Megan lost her partner Matt and wrestled through a long dark ravine. And the truth she arrives with is not that everything will be alright or repaired or forgotten. But that things will evolve and root as real, that those who suffer great loss will be inextricably woven with life again, though everything will change. In Dante’s Divine Comedy, Virgil is Dante’s guide through hell into purgatory, right up until Dante faces a wall of flame, which he balks at, afraid. But Virgil tells him, “You have no choice. It is the fire that will burn but not consume.” Dante is still afraid. Sensing this, Virgil puts his hand on his shoulder and repeats, “You have no choice.” Dante then summons his courage and enters. Everyone who lives comes upon this wall of fire. Like Virgil, Megan is a guide through hell, up to the wall of fire we each must pass through alone, beyond which we become our own guides. Like Virgil, Megan points out a way, not the way, but a way, offering those in the mad turmoil of grief a few things to hold onto. It is courageous work to love and lose and keep each other company, no matter how long the road. And Megan is a courageous teacher. If you are in the grip of grief, reach for this book. It will help you carry what is yours to carry while making the journey less alone. Mark Nepo Whether an “innocent” mention of the stages of grief really matters in a movie or tv show (shout out to Netflix: HMU!)

The Demon is an internal unpredictable impulsive voice in which Berne compares to the concept of Freud’s (1989 [1940]) ‘id’, although the reasoning why is unclear as he never went into detail to explain. of great pain, and to love one another when the pain of this life grows too large for one person to hold. This book offers the skills needed to make that kind of love a reality. Thank you for being here. For being willing to read, to listen, to learn. Together, we can make things better, even when we can’t make them right. Someone with a "I'm not ok, you're ok" disposition might have thought, "Wow, he's a lot cooler than me," and might have given himself a reason to feel bad.

Entire Agreement

In It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides—as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner—Megan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, “happy” life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it. In this compelling and heartful book, you’ll learn: Rebecca Woolf has worked as a writer since her teens - it’s the way she understands both herself and the world. Her essays have appeared on Refinery29, HuffPost, Parenting, and more. She currently authors the bi-weekly column Sex & the Single Mom on romper.com. Her latest book is All of This: a Memoir of Death and Desire. Megan Devine, LPC, is an author, speaker, and grief consultant who advocates for emotional change on a cultural level. Her book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand, is considered required reading by grievers and professionals alike. Together with her team, she facilitates a growing catalog of courses, events, and trainings to help grieving people, and those who wish to support them, learn the skills they need to carry pain that cannot be fixed. For more, visit refugeingrief.com. Supporting each other: the difference between an “inside the house” friend and an “on the porch” friend.